I just read Ange's blog entry about memories when we were a lot younger and I just couldn't remove 3 specific clear incidents from my head it just kept popping up!
The first one was the English Teacher Ms. Bautista at Grade 6, more commonly recognized as J to the fourth power: Jumping Jelly Jumbo J*g&. On one of those spelling exercises where new random words were introduced to us by way of graded, unaided, drills. (which in hindsight, is a less than effective practice). This was grade 6 already, so we were expected to know more complex English words perhaps with French or Latin roots. And so on she went with her yet inaccessible vocabulary words that we had to attempt to recall, provided we had encountered it prior, or in most cases, attempt to construct out of imagination.
I don't know why but this specific memory is still so vivid after so many years. There was Miss J in here plaid-yellow school-issued uniform 3 sizes smaller than what sould be appropriate to her 250 pound frame. I recall Sharon and I making jokes about her corset which through mean-spirited gossip we assumed she needed to fit into her uniform. For reasons that defy natural biology the woman's side profile was as wide as, or even wider than, her front profile. It either seemed that either God was trying to endow somebody with a gift and screwed up, or decided to play a life-long prank on her. So there she was slugging out words careful to enunciate as clearly as she could, in her capable knowledge, these new vocabulary for our education. She did it with such fake superiority that it emulated an inappropriate and poorly attempted bourgeiosie accent, like a pompous autistic Ukranian. And then there it was, the action that forever would change my outlook on the school system and on education itself; with her high and mighty over enunciation, Miss J slithered out the syllables: "REN-DEZZZ-VOOWAHH" and she did it again, this time with her ass sticking out as if each word had to enter through a receptacle from behind and get processed somewhere en route to her mouth "REN-DEZZZ-VOOWAHH". What the hell was that? It was supposed to be English but coming from her mouth it sounded like a dirty word that old men use to seduce 12 year olds in their radical child pornography tapes: "REN-DEZZZ-VOOWAHH, A meeting place, REN-DEZZZ-VOOWAHH"
Thank God for Johnny Quest. It had this one episode where Johnny's adopted Indian brother Hadji showed him a map pointing to one grid marked "rendezvous point". Thank you Cartoon Network.
The next memory comes in third year with Ms. Celestial. Yet another vivid one but slightly more disturbing. A lesson on parallel sentence construction yields the sentence: "I called for the waiter and ordered a salad, some fries and a steak." Which seem decent enough, even elementary in thought. No one would expect how elementary it would go in practice such that instead of ordering a cooked cut of beef from the forementioned waiter, the third year English teacher, in spelling, ordered a piece of wood that Buffy, Blade and all the other heroes and heroines use to vanquish evil vampires. The sentence stood there on the lower right side of the blackboard for 15 whole minutes while she expounded on the parallel construction of the enjoyable meal she was about to consume of vegetable, starch, and evil-fighting weapon. The faces of the few I saw who also recognized the mistake didn't know what to do: Avril in front of me with a look of bewilderment, you can almost hear her say "HA?!!" through her eyes; Tonio 4 rows in the back on the next column of seats was laughing in disbelief; Jim 5 columns to the left and one row back with a look of shock on his face, also looking around for another soul that recognizes the ghastly comical error which seemed to get more loaded with tragic comedy as time passed by. "Perhaps this is a dream?" He must have been thinking. It really wasn't.
My most enjoyable one comes at the expense of one of the more respected teachers. 2nd year Asian History Class with Mr. Blancaver, The Mandate of Heaven. He was explaining with his trademark impassioned oratory, the observed process by which a Chinese Dynasty gains control of the country and the cycle of wealth to arrogance to fall of each ruling family. He had a supercilious structure imposed on the whole phenomenon: "After an uprising, a family gains the mandate of heaven and rules China. Then there is wealth and prosperity, but with prosperity, the children become arrogant and refuse to work for the people! So the farmers can't do anything and suffer! Then there is mass starvation. So the people revolt and the Mandate of Heaven is passed on." Blancaver says it with such great gusto that could only come from a religious, even cult-like surrender to an institutional body that renders anybody incabale of independent thought, that some find it endearing, even admirable. But this time it was just memorable. The thick accent and the heavy tongue doesn't bode well with his emotional speech. By the time he reaches the farmers suffering part he blurts out: "The farmers suffer so there is MASSTARBAYSHON!" The first time woke up the ones who recognized the very potent joke in the situation. I literally saw the eyes of the people whose minds were dirty enough to recognize the joke light up. April, Jim, Beverly, Louis, and a few others were holding back laughter.
"Sir Blancaver sorry sir hindi ko na kopya yung last na sinabi niyo ano yung pagkatapos nung farmers?"
"MASSTARBAYSHON!" says him again with more gusto this time recognizing that his students were interested and drawing impetus to be more energetic and definite in his speech.
"Sir, hindi ko po maintindihan, dahil walang ginagawa yung farmers merong..."
"MASSTARBAYSHON! Because the farmers don't do anything, can't do anything there is MASSTARBAYSHON" this time enunciating with a calm but assured sense of worth like a loving mother bear caring for her cubs knowing that she has taken care of them and provided valuable knowledge for their future.
Good Times.
