Sympathy for the Bastard

[Wot’s red and his name spells S.A.N.T.A.?]

Allow me to introduce myself; I am a man of wealth and taste.
I’ve been around to Greenhills the other day, with my mum, uncle and aunt
To do some last minute shopping. Yeah, it’s a little too late.

I stuck around in Theatre Mall, when I saw it was time for a rest.
Met Ben and Odell, wooh boy, both of them sure did jest.
And of course, much to my embarrassment and disgust,
Mum made the preverbal remark about Odell. Aghast!

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name.

Of course, I have to tell you,
I watched with glee while this dear four year old
Cried and cried, for reasons I have yet told.

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name.
Ah, but what’s puzzling you? Is it the nature of my game?

My last stop was at the Vira Mall, yeah I’m off,
To look for furniture for my January loft.
And just as every man should mind his own business,
This guy in a Santa suit need be reminded of his carelessness.

I almost broke a vase, yes I,
Because of him, that bumped into me.
I guess he was in too much of a hurry,
But damn you Kringle, you’re in my eye.

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name.
Ah, but what’s confusing you? Is it the nature of my game?

I wasn’t going to let him go, of course, not I.
Down I went to the fireplace,
To meet the schmuck, face to face.
But no, I didn’t lash out at him, to get back at him is only too small of a fry.

With all my breath, I shouted until my lungs cramped to an ache,
In front of all the innocent little children, eager to sit on the red guy’s lap,
“SANTA CLAUS IS FAKE, SANTA CLAUS IS FAKE!!!”

Just call me a bastard, because I’m in need of some restraint
But I got back at you, you lousy saint!

Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name.
Ah, but what’s troubling you? Is it the nature of my game?

Of course I was escorted by the elves, who got their irk,
But I left that place content, smiling, with a delightful smirk.

Oh, now I’m supposed to be guilty?
When after all,
It’s you, the parents, who really should be.

Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name.
Ah, but what’s baffling you? Is it the nature of my game?

So boys and girls, if you meet me,
See me, or bump into me,
Have some courtesy,
Have some sympathy,
Have some taste,

Use all your well-learned politesse,
Or I’ll lay your dignity to waste.

Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name.
Tell me; tell me, can you guess my name?
I tell you one time, you’re to blame.

Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Merry Christmas,
Oh yeah!

[A: Satan.]