YeAHWEeH!

On a whim of anger and frustration against door to door Jehovah's witnesses and pretty much religion in general I thought of an idea that I would most probably get killed for...


YeAHWEeH! The world's first Bible theme park!

It's the next step from Daily Vacation Bible School for Kids and Families! We have rides like Elijah's Chariot where the kids are just swept up into the sky in a thrilling whirlwind of salvation! The Second Coming, a ride that will bring you to the heavens in holy resurrection only to drop you down back into the Earth for one last crusade! For the teens who like role playing, you can try out "What Would Jesus Do?" an interactive video game that gives you the power to cast plagues of locusts, frogs, famine and rivers of blood to dissidents and consistent healing and eternal life to the faithful in worship. Do not leave the park without getting autographs from your favorite prophet like Peter, Paul, James, John the Baptists' head, even Judas! Be sure to go on Rameses' Regret, the fastest, wildest and wettest chase you will ever experience!

Something for the kids? Let them have fun at Noah's Ark learning about animals and what do you call one family that repopulates the Earth. Try out our kid-friendly fishing boats where your children can have fun and catch loads of fish by following a secret voice from the shore. For the most obedient ones, we will give them a special experience of walking on water! Anytime you're tired feel free to try out our accomodations at Jonah's Whale. Hungry? Go for the Eat all you can buffet where we serve the best five loaves of bread and two fish in world! Don't forget to drop by the gift shop where you can have your very own Bible artifact: Joseph's Dreamcoat, the last few pieces of Sodom, a David caliber slingshot, Solomon's baby -an actual fetus split in half!- and your own cross for the family to bear and remember on the trip back home.

So visit us in YeAHWEeH! (I need a tagline, suggestions anybody?)



Well... that's it, I'm going to hell.

Female Hormones in Beer?

You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable.

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of beer within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating and refused to apologize when wrong.

I Will Not Vote For...

(While Waiting for Chika's guest article on Fubus, I thought of writing down my thoughts on tomorrow's elections)

Tomorrow will be the day for scores of politicans campaigning for months now as they shall see how they will fare in the actual elections. While the senatorial elections has garnered the most media attention with the opposition garnering the majority consistently in surveys, it should be noted that the administration party has the machinery to actually tilt the numbers in their favor.

Not far too from the media's radar is the hotly contested congressional seat in Gen San where a famous boxer is running against the incumbent. Humor provided relief to the warring sides as the pugilist commissioned a survey only to find out that he's trailing behind a significant margin to Glenn's would be mistress (She's already married).

Anyway, I haven't figured out who I will vote for tomorrow. But I am sure that I will not vote for this one person :

Chavit Singson - Before I start, I wanna share to you this true story: One of Chavit's niece (or granddaughter, I'm not sure) told a philo prof in class "Sir, what do you think I am? dumb?" after mistaking her as a humanities major. See how rotten their family can get? It only starts from one man and that man's Chavit.

This man deserves to go to hell. Edsa two my fucking ass was started because this man was afraid to go to jail for inconsistencies in his auditing report to the government. And what about the publicity stunt he did a month ago where he figured in the negotiations for the release of the schoolchildren held inside a bus? What about the P500 bills he gave to the children afterwards? What about the P50,000.00 he promised to the local leaders of some godforsaken provinces for his winning vote? Btw, he retracted that to 50,000 amulets after he noticed that a camera was actually recording what he said.

But for all the killings, sexual offences and plundering of Ilocos Sur's wealth, he was still able to convince the Independent Bishops Conference of the Philippines to endorse him. Said one representative bishop "Mabuting tao iyang si Chavit kaya ineendorso namin siya". What?!!? SHUT THE FUCK UP. Even my dog knows Chavit isn't good for the country. Damn you bishops! What were you thinking?!?!? That he suddenly became a saint during EDSA two? Sonofabitch dammit! Dumbasses!!! Even my shit is more deserving of a senate seat than this asswipe!

On Commuting, part III

Good evening my dirty little city.

The thought of doing a local version of Adam Savage, Jamie Hyneman, Katie Byron, Grant Imahara, and Tory Bellici’s series came into my mind again while I was staring blankly at the huge gaping pothole left by the Metro Manila Development Authority beside the Citybank Building sidewalk on Eastwood Libis.

If you might recall, I think I did one such thing some time ago when I tried to test the myth that your streetwise barkers, those clingy raggedy peons who shout public transport destinations (see On Commuting, pt. 2),could fill a bucket with coins from their daily earnings (amounting to about Php 500.00 / day). It was statistically found (through T-test analysis), that one could indeed reach that quota, but also to effortlessly go over it.

That particular experiment could use an update because I came to the realization that a perspective check was in place (see On Commuting, pt. 1). Barkers indeed do not serve their primary purpose of helping you find the jeepneys, FX, or whatnot, because that’s simply a stupid reason. We’re not friggin’ blind.Barkers persist to thrive in the complicated microeconomy of public transportation because it serves a useful (presumed) purpose of helping to market specific public utility vehicles for random passengers to choose them for others. Now that I’ve thought about it, barkers tend to raise the probability (again all under a presumption) of a specific jeep to be chosen and ridden by random passengers.

Using an experimental model, with the barker as the dependent variable, and during a one-shot week long data collection to get the mean daily earnings of a jeepney driver (taking into consideration the variable that a jeepney driver tips a barker of about 3-10 pesos, whenever a barker attracts a passenger, regardless of him successfully attracting one or many, the variable of mean daily fuel consumption, the variable of mean daily food consumption, and the variable of mean daily bribe money), three questions are being raised:

1. Is there a difference between the mean daily earnings of a jeepney driver when aided by a barker, and one without?
2. In the finding that there is indeed a difference, is the difference enough to say that it is significantly beneficial / significantly detrimental to the jeepney driver?
3. In the finding that there is indeed a difference, what is the difference between the probability of a random passenger choosing a public utility vehicle without the aid of a barker, and one with?

Ahh, the questions in life that could change the world. =)