Mark your calendars

Good evening my dirty little city, it’s been a while.

Tonight, my whim for Statistics, Embryology, and Psychology will lead us to talk about hormones, particularly on Progesterone. Now, listen up closely boys, this one’s important.

Background

PMS or pre-menstrual syndrome is a major problem for the modern women and one with which their ancestors never had to deal. Until recently, women tended to be pregnant most of the time, which meant that the average Filipino woman only ever had to deal with menstrual related problems 10 – 20 times in a lifetime, versus 13 times a year (we’ll get to these computations in a little while) for the modern Filipino woman.

Hmm, problem, or not? It’s not a problem per se if you know how to understand and to interpret the facts. I’m telling this now, for both ways, for both men and women to understand (and to appease the prissy women and the feminists out there).

But of course, you and I both know why I’m writing this, heh.

Statistics

The mean lifespan for Filipino women nowadays is 70 Gregorian calendar years (with men living shorter at 68 years). Divide 70 by four, you get 17.5. Then you get the sum of 17.5 x 366 (taking into account leap years), and 52.5 x 365 (3/4 of the average lifespan, by normal years), and you get ∑ = 25567.5 days.

70 / 4 = 17.5
70 = 17.5 + 52.5

(17.5 x 366) + (52.5 x 365) = 25567.5 days
(6405) x (19162.5) = 25567.5 days
∑ = 25,567.5 days

De la Cruz, et al’s research on stress and menarche of women (2005), found out that the mean age for menarche onset in Filipino women is about 13 Gregorian calendar years. Divide 13 by 4 and you get 3.25. Getting the sum of 3.25 x 366 (for leap years) and 9.75 x 365 (3/4 of 13 years), and you get ∑’ = 4748.25 days.

13 / 4 = 3.25
13 = 3.25 + 9.75

(3.25 x 366) + (9.75 x 365) = 4748.25 days
1189.5 + 3558.75 = 4748.25 days
∑’ =4,748.25 days

Finally, the mean menopause age for women is 51 years. Divide 51 by 4 and you get 12.75. Getting the sum of 12.75 x 366 (for leap years) and 38.25 x 365 (3/4 of 51 years), and you get ∑’’ = 18627.75 days.

51 / 4 = 12.75
51 = 12.75 + 38.25

(12.75 x 366) + (38.25 x 365) = 18627.75 days
4666.5 + 13961.25 = 18627.75 days
∑’’ = 18,627.75 days

If the average Filipino woman bears the mean (how the hell can one bear a child that’s not an integer value?!) number of 2.1 children in her lifetime (see ADB 2010 data projection), this adds up to about 495.70 times a modern woman can suffer PMS symptoms, in her child bearing years between 13 – 51, and close to 550 times for a woman without children.

∑’’– ∑’ = x
18,627.75 – 4,748.25 = 13,879.5 days
13,879.5 / 28 = 495.70 times

Of course, we have to take into consideration the legal age for Filipino women to marry (otherwise, it’ll constitute as statutory), so we take into consideration 18 Gregorian calendar years.

18 / 4 = 4.5
18 = 4.5 + 13.5
(4.5 x 366) + (13.5 x 365) = 6574.5 days
1647 + 4927.5 = 6574.5 days
18 = 6,574.5 days

18,627.75 – 6,574.5 = 12053.25 days
12,053.25 / 28 = 430.47 times

Embryology

Menstrual cycles are counted from the first day of menstrual bleeding, because the onset of menstruation corresponds closely with the hormonal cycle. The menstrual cycle is generally divided into 5 phases, namely the menstrual phase, follicular phase, the ovulation period, luteal phase, and the ischemic phase.

Menstrual phase Days 1 – 4
Follicular phase Days 5 – 13
Ovulation period Day 14
Luteal Phase Days 15 – 26
Ischemic Phase Days 27 – 28

For the first 21 days of menstruation, progesterone hormones create a feeling of well-being and give generally happy feelings and a positive attitude to most pre-menopausal women. Sex drive gradually increases so that she is most capable of conceiving at a specific point, about midway through the cycle.

Psychology

Scottish scientists once studied the reactions and preferences of 104 women to digitally altered photos of men (Pease, A., & Pease, B., 2001). They found that during three weeks of the month, women preferred the smoother, more feminized, sensitive looking types, who would likely to be around over the long haul when the women were ovulating. However, they favored the manly looking men – big jaws, prominent eyebrow, and larger bodies, the stuff that screams virility. They also observed that many ovulating men wore shorter skirts in public (2001).

The scientists concluded that when it comes to settling down, women want a male who is the best parental investment (gender, brain dominance, and its effects on a separate blog entry). But when biological bells are ringing, the want Tarzan’s genes (2001).

Putting it all together

Alright, let’s put everything that we’ve learned together.

For the 25,567.5 days that an average Filipino woman will be living, where the onset of her menstruation will be at the 4,748.25th day, up to the 18,627.75th day of her life, that of menopause, there will a period of 13,879.5 days where you can compute when her progesterone levels will be at its peak and at its lowest. You can estimate when she will be at her randiest, or at her bitchiest.

Of course, an important factor must be taken into consideration. One must subtract 51 to 18, the legal age for women to marry, heh. The average Filipino woman will ovulate 495.70 times in her lifetime, and 430.47 times when she reaches 18 Gregorian calendar years old.

Progesterone levels will be at the lowest (ergo, testosterone levels at the highest) at the 1-5th day of a woman’s menstruation (midway from her ovulation, meaning her egg wasn’t fertilized). From this day to the thirteenth day, this is when she will need loving, caring, and understanding from you (most especially on days 1-4). On the fourteenth day, this is when she ovulates, and this is when her progesterone levels will grow to its peak (in the middle of her luteal phase). You know what this means.

Do the math. =)