To: Fr. Daniel J. McNamara, SJ
Dr. James B. Simpas
Dr. Nofel D. Lagrosas
Dr. Benjamin O. Chan
Dr. Raphael A. Guerrero
Dr. Emmanuel G. Anglo
Mr. Ivan B. Culaba
Mr. Quirino M. Sugon
Mr. Joel T. Maquiling
Fr: Dr. Jerrold J. Garcia
Chairman, Department of Physics
Date: 29 June 2005
Apparently, the DOST has awakened again from its slumber, and now intends to inflict on us another of their innumerable surveys; this time it is a survey of the research projects we did from 1 January 2003 to 31 December 2003, whether funded by the DOST – which it should have if it knew what it's supposed to do – or not, which is the usual case.
According to their explanatory letter, the DOST us conducting this survey to, in their very own words: "help government set R&D directions and formulate better science and technology policies and programs". A similar miracle occurred once, when water was turned into wine in a wedding feast in Cana.
Nevertheless, I am forwarding to you certain sections of questionnaires. I know this will take precious time from your research work. But, inasmuch as we periodically beg – rather assidiously, I must say – for crumbs out of the billions of pesos of tax money that we, taxpayers, pay the government, which money subsequently dusappears into the pockets of politicians and bureaucrats with nary a trace, I am afraid we have to humor those who hold the purse strings and accomplish the survey forms.
Now, why 2003 of all years, I have absolutely no idea. It could be that some people in DOST is into numerology. Or it could also be that their resident feng shui expert has determined 2003 to be an especially auspicious year – who knows? If it is 2003 now, can 2004 be far behind? Probably not. And neither is 2002, 2001 and 2000… in fact, this can go back all the way to the inauguration of the Malolos Republis in 1899. so, for those of you who may have done some research at that time, I suggest you start digging up your records now. Of course, DOST could save us a whole lot of time and aggravation by asking – just once – for the complete records of ALL research projects we have done, starting from the time when two of every sort of animals boarded an ark. But, no, we have to get it in small doses.
Before you fill up the survey form, please that some time to admire and appreciate the jargon, euphemisms, circumlocutions and prolixity of the questionnaire. You have to admit that the DOST has it all down to an art form. If there is any question you don't understand, don't come to me for help; I don't understand it either. Wing it.
After you have been moved to answer the questionnaire, submit it to this office and I will compile all your answers into one grand panorama of awesome research prowess and frenzied scientific activities. This compilations will then go to the Dean's Office, which, in turn, will forward it to the DOST where, finally, it will sleep the sleep of the dead in some filing cabinet, never to see the light of day again until the 30 th century perhaps, when, upon discovery, it will stir up the same excitement among circles of archaeologists that the Dead Sea scrolls once did.
3 comments:
Heh, I always find myself amused whenever I get to read sarcastic letters written by Ateneans. =)
Ang sama naman ni Doc Jay haha
Well, there is truth in it. Only that, it's written in an entertaining way, perhaps. But it makes sense. I hope you get the meaning of the memo, even if it's not for you :)
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