Gratia

Hi guys, nasa Canada na ako ngayon. Fucking cold and it's supposed to be summer.
I'm writing this recalling the several hours before i left the Philippines, which turned out to be an eye-opening experience. This post is grossly long and violates the 8th commandment of this blog. I say screw the eighth commandment (even for just this once, sige na even God violated his own commandments, look up Ananias and his wife, and everybody who wasn't BFF's with Noah during his time) but regarding the length I truly apologize sa mga magbabasa.

Let me begin by saying this: Jim was right. Hindi to tungkol dun sa recent na post niya about saying goodbye, although my notion and feelings regarding the dread that would accompany my departure were somehow similar to his, i am more referring to what he has told me way before...

It was High School, fourth year, during the whole epistle-retreat segment of the year, a relevant portion of the batch was huddled up inside my late-grandfather's room the evening after the first segment our retreat; talking; writing epistles; and taking the opportunity to bond with fellow batchmates during the supposedly emotionally vulnerable and open time while in the middle of spiritual retreats. I distinctly remember where jim was: sitting up at the window side of my grandfather's bed (which is the same spot my grandfather died on). He told me one thing: "Jeco you really don't know and don't appreciate the friends that you have". I was never able to fully grasp the gravity of that idea and realize the depth of the relationships that I had with the Glee Club kids, my college friends and my high school family, until the last 24 hours before i left the Philippines.

Glee Club
I invited the group for dinner and a movie marathon at my place, on April 30, the Sunday before I left. We had fun, the kind of fun, nothing really special and particular about the night, it turned out to be the usual thing we do when a lot of us crash at somebody's place, talk the night away. The group went home in the morning and I had to prepare for another party on May 1st this time for my high school and college friends. We said our goodbyes, friendly hugs and fair bids of farewell, with me telling them that i'd try to make it to rehearsals one last time to hear the group before i left.

I sat outside the church that the group was rehearsing at that same afternoon, listening to my charges, my kids for the last two years, continuing on with their mission only this time without me. It was a very odd experience listening to them, i was really proud of what they have grown into. The first step was already there, but of course they still had a lot to develop along the way. I didn't want to disturb their rehearsals and I honestly did not want to have any emotional crap before i went to dinner with my other friends so I just left a message for the group to be read by the current president, this is what it said: "Hi Guys, I'm sorry I can't be with you anymore. I hope that I've whipped you enough to make you better people, if not then I trust that the musicom (musical directors ng Glee Club) and the execom (administrative bosses) would do the whipping. It's been an honor serving you, Goodbye GC". I don't know what made me stay hidden and listen to the group's reactions while my friend read my last address to the GC. it was enough to actually make my eyes water, I left right after that shedding some tears while driving towards Gerry's

What I didn't know was that the group was planning a small package of notes and letters for me. I never quite felt the gravity of the effect that I had on these people until then. It really made me feel good with messages like "you were the reason I stayed here, because you challenged me" shit I was a decent father to this group afterall.

College and High School
I always had this fear with me leaving that I would have nothing to come back to when i get back home. Perhaps triggered by insecurity or some other dramatic juvenile tendency. I was experiencing the same fears and sadness weeks, even months before i left. Maybe it's because my friends also made a scrapbook, or maybe i actually prepared a notebook for them to sign (brokeback mountain is rubbing off on me) which i threw out since they already informed me they were doing something already. That really mademe quite happy, add to the fact that Aya, who was supposedly in Cebu until May 3rd took an earlier flight back to Manila just to send me off. The dinner and the party that moved to my place turned out really well, I wish i had more time to actually thank everybody. I didn't feel the sadness, fear, or depression associated with leaving. Whether they meant it or not, and ironically, it was one of the few times that i really felt that everything would be alright that I would have something to come home to.
As cheesy as it sounds i think we've come to a point of maturity that we're now excited to live our lives more, come back and meet up and share our experiences with each other. So let me thank you guys na rin (brokeback mountain really is rubbing off on me... Pierre! Ugggh) for everything.

And so jim eto na siguro and birthday gift ko sa iyo, I appreciate my friends far greater than before, you were right and thank you as well.

Speaking of experience. Hindi pala illegal ang absinthe 89% dito sa Canada. Pucha sabihin niyo na kung ilang bote iuuwi ko.