When we were young

I just read Ange's blog entry about memories when we were a lot younger and I just couldn't remove 3 specific clear incidents from my head it just kept popping up!

The first one was the English Teacher Ms. Bautista at Grade 6, more commonly recognized as J to the fourth power: Jumping Jelly Jumbo J*g&. On one of those spelling exercises where new random words were introduced to us by way of graded, unaided, drills. (which in hindsight, is a less than effective practice). This was grade 6 already, so we were expected to know more complex English words perhaps with French or Latin roots. And so on she went with her yet inaccessible vocabulary words that we had to attempt to recall, provided we had encountered it prior, or in most cases, attempt to construct out of imagination.

I don't know why but this specific memory is still so vivid after so many years. There was Miss J in here plaid-yellow school-issued uniform 3 sizes smaller than what sould be appropriate to her 250 pound frame. I recall Sharon and I making jokes about her corset which through mean-spirited gossip we assumed she needed to fit into her uniform. For reasons that defy natural biology the woman's side profile was as wide as, or even wider than, her front profile. It either seemed that either God was trying to endow somebody with a gift and screwed up, or decided to play a life-long prank on her. So there she was slugging out words careful to enunciate as clearly as she could, in her capable knowledge, these new vocabulary for our education. She did it with such fake superiority that it emulated an inappropriate and poorly attempted bourgeiosie accent, like a pompous autistic Ukranian. And then there it was, the action that forever would change my outlook on the school system and on education itself; with her high and mighty over enunciation, Miss J slithered out the syllables: "REN-DEZZZ-VOOWAHH" and she did it again, this time with her ass sticking out as if each word had to enter through a receptacle from behind and get processed somewhere en route to her mouth "REN-DEZZZ-VOOWAHH". What the hell was that? It was supposed to be English but coming from her mouth it sounded like a dirty word that old men use to seduce 12 year olds in their radical child pornography tapes: "REN-DEZZZ-VOOWAHH, A meeting place, REN-DEZZZ-VOOWAHH"

Thank God for Johnny Quest. It had this one episode where Johnny's adopted Indian brother Hadji showed him a map pointing to one grid marked "rendezvous point". Thank you Cartoon Network.

The next memory comes in third year with Ms. Celestial. Yet another vivid one but slightly more disturbing. A lesson on parallel sentence construction yields the sentence: "I called for the waiter and ordered a salad, some fries and a steak." Which seem decent enough, even elementary in thought. No one would expect how elementary it would go in practice such that instead of ordering a cooked cut of beef from the forementioned waiter, the third year English teacher, in spelling, ordered a piece of wood that Buffy, Blade and all the other heroes and heroines use to vanquish evil vampires. The sentence stood there on the lower right side of the blackboard for 15 whole minutes while she expounded on the parallel construction of the enjoyable meal she was about to consume of vegetable, starch, and evil-fighting weapon. The faces of the few I saw who also recognized the mistake didn't know what to do: Avril in front of me with a look of bewilderment, you can almost hear her say "HA?!!" through her eyes; Tonio 4 rows in the back on the next column of seats was laughing in disbelief; Jim 5 columns to the left and one row back with a look of shock on his face, also looking around for another soul that recognizes the ghastly comical error which seemed to get more loaded with tragic comedy as time passed by. "Perhaps this is a dream?" He must have been thinking. It really wasn't.

My most enjoyable one comes at the expense of one of the more respected teachers. 2nd year Asian History Class with Mr. Blancaver, The Mandate of Heaven. He was explaining with his trademark impassioned oratory, the observed process by which a Chinese Dynasty gains control of the country and the cycle of wealth to arrogance to fall of each ruling family. He had a supercilious structure imposed on the whole phenomenon: "After an uprising, a family gains the mandate of heaven and rules China. Then there is wealth and prosperity, but with prosperity, the children become arrogant and refuse to work for the people! So the farmers can't do anything and suffer! Then there is mass starvation. So the people revolt and the Mandate of Heaven is passed on." Blancaver says it with such great gusto that could only come from a religious, even cult-like surrender to an institutional body that renders anybody incabale of independent thought, that some find it endearing, even admirable. But this time it was just memorable. The thick accent and the heavy tongue doesn't bode well with his emotional speech. By the time he reaches the farmers suffering part he blurts out: "The farmers suffer so there is MASSTARBAYSHON!" The first time woke up the ones who recognized the very potent joke in the situation. I literally saw the eyes of the people whose minds were dirty enough to recognize the joke light up. April, Jim, Beverly, Louis, and a few others were holding back laughter.

"Sir Blancaver sorry sir hindi ko na kopya yung last na sinabi niyo ano yung pagkatapos nung farmers?"

"MASSTARBAYSHON!" says him again with more gusto this time recognizing that his students were interested and drawing impetus to be more energetic and definite in his speech.

"Sir, hindi ko po maintindihan, dahil walang ginagawa yung farmers merong..."

"MASSTARBAYSHON! Because the farmers don't do anything, can't do anything there is MASSTARBAYSHON" this time enunciating with a calm but assured sense of worth like a loving mother bear caring for her cubs knowing that she has taken care of them and provided valuable knowledge for their future.

Good Times.

A thousand paper cranes

The paper crane is a well-known origami figure. Probably everybody in Japan has made at least one. Since ancient times, the Japanese have viewed the crane as a symbol of finesse, longevity, and fortune.

According to Japanese tradition, if one is able to fold a sembazuru orikata, or a thousand paper cranes within a year, the gods will be so pleased that they will grant you a wish.
One cannot write a story about sembazuru orikata without telling the life of Sadako Sasaki, one, if not the best example of determination and inspiration.

A child of the ashes

Sadako Sasaki was a young Japanese girl who lived near the Misasa Bridge, in Hiroshima, Japan. On August 6, 1945, when the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, Sadako Sasaki was just two years old. At the moment of explosion she was at her home, about one mile from ground zero.

Though the bomb did not kill her and she suffered no immediate injury, she developed leukemia when she was 11 years old. The doctor who diagnosed ordered immediate hospitalization, and stated that she would have, at the most, a year to live. She was admitted to the hospital on February 21, 1955.

Sadako had heard that a person could make her wish come true by folding a thousand paper cranes. Wishing for good health, Sadako began folding a thousand paper cranes.

Though she had plenty of free time during her days in the hospital to fold these cranes, she lacked paper. She would use medicine wrappings and whatever else she could scrounge up. This included going to other patient's rooms to ask to use the paper from their get well presents.
She died at age 12, before her project was completed, it is said, and her classmates finished folding her cranes for her after she died.

Sadako's classmates also collected donations from schools throughout Japan and used the funds to create a monument to children who had been victims of the atomic bomb. Piles of thousand-crane chains sent by people from all over the world surround the monument.

To people everywhere, the story of Sadako has come to symbolize the hope that no child will ever again be killed by an atomic bomb.

Sembazuru Orikata

I open to you my little red box. It is not a secret anymore that I was supposed to fold a garland of a thousand paper cranes of my own; a garland of a thousand paper cranes to please the Shinto gods; and in turn, for the gods to grant me a single wish.

One can look at it at so many ways, fold it in infinite creases, or try it for so many times, but the message was clear. Maybe, just maybe, the gods wanted me to wait this time around.

I'm thinking of an object.

Where the waves touch the shore, and from the clear blue horizon, rode a lady in red; with her trusty white steed, they galloped the shoreline; red bikini and all, she captured the imaginations of men and women alike.

This was being advertised lately in the TV:

“While Roxanne Guinoo is the newest White Castle 69 model, you (the lady viewers) could be the next model, after Glydel Mercado and her! The search is on for the next White Castle 69 model!

Send in your profile photos and compete in the newest, most prestigious search to be the next cheap liquor model where you’d ride on a horse along the shoreline of a beach with nothing but your red string bikini on.

Now, isn’t that cool?

And finally, this just in:

"Six months from now, Monterey would be making their own version of that very same commercial, where they would look for the most gorgeous woman who’d be willing to wear nothing but a string bikini, ride a bull across a grassy field, and model for meat."

My Porn Star Name

I've finally decided that after more than 17 years of formal education from pre-school to college that I'm going to market myself as a porn star. In fact, I already have a stage name.

Its "Wilson Bang".

You can call me Wilson Bang from now on. Not Wil-Pua, its Wilson Bang now.

I'm Bang, Wilson Bang. Maybe I can advertise myself as the local counterpart of Ron Jeremy.

No, I'd never do gay porn. I want to do Maria Ozawa though.

Imagine, the first Atenean to have ever PENETRATED the porn industry.

xxx

I remember one time when I have this rocker chick blockmate who was holding more than a dozen pulp magazine asking me if she could put those in my almost empty backpack. So I said sure, why not? So after putting all those heavy magazines into my backpack, she suddenly asked me

"Wilson, Bakit ang chaka mo?"

Sipain kita diyan eh. Pagkatapos mo lagay mga magazine mo tatanungan mo ako ng ganon.

xxx

So Rica Peralejo has all of a sudden been the darling of this year's Ateneo ORSEM. Why?

She's a freshman taking up creative writing.

Rica be mine!!!

I wonder if its appropriate for me to print a scene in one of her past bold movies then ask her to autograph it.

xxx

Schmitt Hall is being renovated this year. I had a chat with one of the construction workers. Apparently, he's a member of the spirit questors. Yup, those people who talk with ghosts that are still not at peace with their deaths.

One of the most haunting stories he told me was how one family was cursed because their ancestor killed three of her maids. They later found out that every male related to the murderer would die after living in the haunted house for three days. He saw how the ghost form has been mutilated such that there was even a wooden cross stuck into the ghost's vagina.

Pretty freaky.

What's more freaky was that later that night, two construction workers working in the attic of Schmitt Hall ran down very frightened because they claimed to see the ghost of a caucasian wearing priestly robes. Their description fitted the image of Fr. Schmitt.

S & M [part 1]

Good evening my dirty little city. It’s good to be writing again.

It’s time to do something more impossible than solving world hunger, than boiling the ocean. Tonight, I’ll be answering the quintessential problem that baffled even John Nash.

To solve the incredibly long service times in Mc Donald’s.

How many times have you walked into a sardine-packed Golden Arches and went through the hassle of waiting in line for more than ten minutes, only to realize that you’d have to wait five to ten more minutes to eat your Big Mac because the food that you want still has to be deep-fried (syn. cooked/prepared)?

Now, upon getting your order, paying your five hundred pesos to the cashier (who’s also the person serving you the food), and having to wait another five minutes, because the cashier is short-changed, you lift your tray and you weave through the thick lines and precariously dodge the first rows of chairs and tables, which are frustratingly placed too close to the line.

Well now, I can see that you’re nodding your heads in affirmation. Boys and girls, it’s time to apply what we’re learning in school (you have been listening after all, haven’t you?) and put the shit that’s stored in your ‘noggins into practical use.

Let’s apply Six Sigma and 5S to Mc Donald’s

Of Americans and why everything about them falls short of six

Six Sigma (6σ) is a system of practices originally developed my Motorola to systematically improve processes by eliminating defects (wiki).

Defects, on the other hand, are defined as units that are not members of the intended population (wiki). This is statistically defined as having 3.4 defects per 1,000,000 transactions (in layman’s terms, not having more than 3.4 cases of deviations beyond the allowable variance per 1,000,000 products or services). To easier understand the Six Sigma philosophy, here’s a breakdown of the number of defects per million transactions, and where 6σ is placed:

The Sigma Levels
Sigma	Percent Defective	Defects per Million
1	69%	691,462
2	31%	308,538
3	6.7%	66,807
4	0.62%	6,210
5	0.023%	233
6	0.00034%	3.4
7	0.0000019%	0.019

For our case, we want to improve the number of customers being served satisfactorily in McDonald’s. Of course, in reality, a Six Sigma project should not have the solutions identified yet. For the sake of this post, let’s pretend that we don’t know the solution yet and we’re going through the process together.

DMAIC

One of the key methodology in Six Sigma is DMAIC, which stands for:

Define – which concerns the problem statement, the objective statement, necessary for identifying the problem.

Measure – which is about understanding the process, validating data accuracy, determining process capability, and setting baseline data.

Analyze – which is basically about forming the relationship of Y = f ( X ) + e (of causality), and screening for potential causes.

Improve – which is about determining, validating, and implementing solutions to achieve the objective statement, and

Control – which is about implementing process control methods and monitoring performance to sustain results.

Finally, to operationally define being served satisfactorily is, it is the amount of allowable idle time where a customer starts to fall in line, to transact their order, to receive a set meal (that is prepared consistently x% of the time. This should be another six sigma project), and sitting down to eat the meal. All of these should be done in about 4 minutes. Taking into consideration the maximum allowable variance of ±1 minute, the ideal time should be between 3-5 minutes (prescribed optimum are estimates, for the sake of discussion). Too early, and errors on food preparation, and money changing may arise. Too late, and customer satisfaction is diminished.

The below figure summarizes the macro process model for a Mc Donald’s cashier-cum-crew in taking orders (sorry for the grubby resolution).

The process begins with the cashier clearing the serving area of clutter from the previous transaction, prepares the tray, and takes the order from the customer.

The cashier then double-hats into a crew role and gathers the order list from the serving bay.

Three control points are first being asked in the general process: 1. does the order contain drinks? If yes, the crew proceeds in preparing the drink. 2. does the order contain sundaes? If yes, the crew proceeds in preparing the sundae, and 3. does the order contain food that needs to be cooked? If yes, the crew instructs the mess crew to prepare the orders and prepares them accordingly.

After putting everything together onto the tray, the fourth control point questions if the entire order list is accounted for.

The cashier issues the receipt, and the final control point asks if he is short changed or not. Everything easy so far?

Now, another quality improvement methodology that would come to play is 5S.

Of Japanese and why everything about them falls short of five

5S is a philosophy that originated in Japan, and is about the way of organizing and managing in the workplace. The key impacts of 5S is upon workplace morale and efficiency. By ensuring everything has a place and everything is in its place then time is not wasted looking for things and it can be immediately obvious when something is missing (wiki).

The real power of this methodology is in deciding what should be kept and where and how it should be stored.

This dialogue builds good clear understanding amongst a workforce of how work should be done and instills an ownership of the process when done efficiently. It is often, therefore, executed in partnership with standard work, which are operations for which these things are used (wiki).

The name derives from its five principal philosophies in Japanese characters, which all begins with “s”.

SSSSS

The 5S’s are:

Seiri – tidiness, organization

Seiton – orderliness

Seiso – systematized cleanliness

Seiketsu – standards

Shitsuke – sustaining discipline.

Identification and objective statement

As a company, the time duration for serving foods are not meeting the scheduling requirements. Overall, this is causing customer dissatisfaction, layout problems, and manpower deployment issues, as well as resource issues, that are costing the company as much as x in lost revenues and x for unnecessary expenditures per year.

We want to reduce the service time from an average of x to 4 minutes, with an upper limit of 5 minutes. this will meet the current maximum goal of x greater than x percent of the time. The new goal will be achieved by x month and year. it will support our serving efficiency goal (of that darn one time deal of being able to serve a customer in three minutes or less, provided that you take your order late at night and no one else is at the burger joint) and achieve an annual savings of x per month and significant implied projected earnings of x per month.

[End of part one]

Part two will talk about identifying areas of improvement. Again, these are all assumptions as there are no statistical information to establish baseline data.

Part two will also take a look at the macro process and reveal hidden processes that take up time (i.e. the rate at which fries are being deep fried are so slow that customers ordering would have to wait as new batches would have to be prepared to accommodate them).

Finally, part three will talk about applying the philosophy of 5S, in conjunction with Six Sigma. For example, the space between the first row of tables and chairs needs to be moved further from the cashier. More cashiers need to be open for service as too few ones are being used, hence the bottleneck effect, and manpower placement has to be thought of, i.e. those people who roam between lines and ask about your order, tallying them in teeny pads. Guess what, they’re not significantly improving the time of you being served. They might as well be put into better use as cashiers or crew people. The horizontal distance between cashiers should be extended as people carrying trays with their orders in it waste valuable time in dodging the lines (not to mention those pesky people who snug themselves across lines to pick up straws).

YeAHWEeH!

On a whim of anger and frustration against door to door Jehovah's witnesses and pretty much religion in general I thought of an idea that I would most probably get killed for...


YeAHWEeH! The world's first Bible theme park!

It's the next step from Daily Vacation Bible School for Kids and Families! We have rides like Elijah's Chariot where the kids are just swept up into the sky in a thrilling whirlwind of salvation! The Second Coming, a ride that will bring you to the heavens in holy resurrection only to drop you down back into the Earth for one last crusade! For the teens who like role playing, you can try out "What Would Jesus Do?" an interactive video game that gives you the power to cast plagues of locusts, frogs, famine and rivers of blood to dissidents and consistent healing and eternal life to the faithful in worship. Do not leave the park without getting autographs from your favorite prophet like Peter, Paul, James, John the Baptists' head, even Judas! Be sure to go on Rameses' Regret, the fastest, wildest and wettest chase you will ever experience!

Something for the kids? Let them have fun at Noah's Ark learning about animals and what do you call one family that repopulates the Earth. Try out our kid-friendly fishing boats where your children can have fun and catch loads of fish by following a secret voice from the shore. For the most obedient ones, we will give them a special experience of walking on water! Anytime you're tired feel free to try out our accomodations at Jonah's Whale. Hungry? Go for the Eat all you can buffet where we serve the best five loaves of bread and two fish in world! Don't forget to drop by the gift shop where you can have your very own Bible artifact: Joseph's Dreamcoat, the last few pieces of Sodom, a David caliber slingshot, Solomon's baby -an actual fetus split in half!- and your own cross for the family to bear and remember on the trip back home.

So visit us in YeAHWEeH! (I need a tagline, suggestions anybody?)



Well... that's it, I'm going to hell.

Female Hormones in Beer?

You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable.

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of beer within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating and refused to apologize when wrong.

I Will Not Vote For...

(While Waiting for Chika's guest article on Fubus, I thought of writing down my thoughts on tomorrow's elections)

Tomorrow will be the day for scores of politicans campaigning for months now as they shall see how they will fare in the actual elections. While the senatorial elections has garnered the most media attention with the opposition garnering the majority consistently in surveys, it should be noted that the administration party has the machinery to actually tilt the numbers in their favor.

Not far too from the media's radar is the hotly contested congressional seat in Gen San where a famous boxer is running against the incumbent. Humor provided relief to the warring sides as the pugilist commissioned a survey only to find out that he's trailing behind a significant margin to Glenn's would be mistress (She's already married).

Anyway, I haven't figured out who I will vote for tomorrow. But I am sure that I will not vote for this one person :

Chavit Singson - Before I start, I wanna share to you this true story: One of Chavit's niece (or granddaughter, I'm not sure) told a philo prof in class "Sir, what do you think I am? dumb?" after mistaking her as a humanities major. See how rotten their family can get? It only starts from one man and that man's Chavit.

This man deserves to go to hell. Edsa two my fucking ass was started because this man was afraid to go to jail for inconsistencies in his auditing report to the government. And what about the publicity stunt he did a month ago where he figured in the negotiations for the release of the schoolchildren held inside a bus? What about the P500 bills he gave to the children afterwards? What about the P50,000.00 he promised to the local leaders of some godforsaken provinces for his winning vote? Btw, he retracted that to 50,000 amulets after he noticed that a camera was actually recording what he said.

But for all the killings, sexual offences and plundering of Ilocos Sur's wealth, he was still able to convince the Independent Bishops Conference of the Philippines to endorse him. Said one representative bishop "Mabuting tao iyang si Chavit kaya ineendorso namin siya". What?!!? SHUT THE FUCK UP. Even my dog knows Chavit isn't good for the country. Damn you bishops! What were you thinking?!?!? That he suddenly became a saint during EDSA two? Sonofabitch dammit! Dumbasses!!! Even my shit is more deserving of a senate seat than this asswipe!

On Commuting, part III

Good evening my dirty little city.

The thought of doing a local version of Adam Savage, Jamie Hyneman, Katie Byron, Grant Imahara, and Tory Bellici’s series came into my mind again while I was staring blankly at the huge gaping pothole left by the Metro Manila Development Authority beside the Citybank Building sidewalk on Eastwood Libis.

If you might recall, I think I did one such thing some time ago when I tried to test the myth that your streetwise barkers, those clingy raggedy peons who shout public transport destinations (see On Commuting, pt. 2),could fill a bucket with coins from their daily earnings (amounting to about Php 500.00 / day). It was statistically found (through T-test analysis), that one could indeed reach that quota, but also to effortlessly go over it.

That particular experiment could use an update because I came to the realization that a perspective check was in place (see On Commuting, pt. 1). Barkers indeed do not serve their primary purpose of helping you find the jeepneys, FX, or whatnot, because that’s simply a stupid reason. We’re not friggin’ blind.Barkers persist to thrive in the complicated microeconomy of public transportation because it serves a useful (presumed) purpose of helping to market specific public utility vehicles for random passengers to choose them for others. Now that I’ve thought about it, barkers tend to raise the probability (again all under a presumption) of a specific jeep to be chosen and ridden by random passengers.

Using an experimental model, with the barker as the dependent variable, and during a one-shot week long data collection to get the mean daily earnings of a jeepney driver (taking into consideration the variable that a jeepney driver tips a barker of about 3-10 pesos, whenever a barker attracts a passenger, regardless of him successfully attracting one or many, the variable of mean daily fuel consumption, the variable of mean daily food consumption, and the variable of mean daily bribe money), three questions are being raised:

1. Is there a difference between the mean daily earnings of a jeepney driver when aided by a barker, and one without?
2. In the finding that there is indeed a difference, is the difference enough to say that it is significantly beneficial / significantly detrimental to the jeepney driver?
3. In the finding that there is indeed a difference, what is the difference between the probability of a random passenger choosing a public utility vehicle without the aid of a barker, and one with?

Ahh, the questions in life that could change the world. =)

two jewels

Good afternoon my dirty little city. The following two texts are actual press releases from Team Unity’s official website (http://teamunity.ph). Tell me what you can make of this.

Ah, the wonders editing and ghostwriting. A snap of the fingers and a candidate from Ilocandia, who’s an admitted gambler, embezzler, & an all around no-goodnik at that, could suddenly have complete command of the English language, and would even dare to exhibit rhetoric.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you, finesse and wit at its finest – mudslinging.

The overall campaign strategy that the administration is boastfully banking is playfully reminiscent of one peculiar highschool batchmate. Yes, him. Him, who could make a ginseng walk; him, who could place, yet alone purchase a nuclear reactor in his back yard; and him, who was able to construct a car with no wheels, no engine, and no fuel, but could run.

“Him”, who will be only referred to as such, was able to make an engine-less, wheel-less car, that could run solely on imagination. Beat that, Peter Pan!

There. If you could see the absurdity and delusion of this poor, poor man, the proceeding article will be a synch.

Read on.

LACKLUSTER PERFORMANCE IS REASON FOR POOR GO RATING
April 28, 2007

The growing sophistication and maturity of the voting public is the reason why Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III is doing poorly in the current campaign and not an imaginary special operation to make him loose, Team Unity senatorial candidate Luis “Chavit” Singson said yesterday.

“Noynoy Aquino should ask himself in a very candid way what he had done inhis long stay in Congress, a question he should also ask Alan Peter Cayetano and Francis Escudero,” Singson said.

Singson added that during their stay at the House of Representatives, Aquino, Escudero and Cayetano did nothing except to grandstand and gain media mileage for a Senate run.

Voters can “see through this track record of zero performance and100 per cent grandstanding “pushing them to withdraw their support for Aquino,” Singson said.

Singson was reacting to a statement made by Aquino, in which he blamed the administration for carrying out a supposed special operation against him and Cayetano.

Singson said that Team Unity is committed to a high-level campaign focused on issues and a growth agenda, “unlike Aquino’swhining and griping and concoction of non-existent plots against his candidacy.”

Singson reminded Aquino that the endorsement of an impeachment resolution “does not a lawmaker make.”

“Aquino should know by now that running for the Senate means preparing an extensive legislative agenda, a longer list of pro-people and pro- growth advocacy, a real commitment and dedication to pursuing national growth. You cannot run for the Senate based on a hate list and impeaching the president,” Singson said.

Singson said that in its fearless forecast, Aquino would even fare poorly in his home province of Tarlac “which he failed to serve with distinction in Congress.”

Earlier, Tarlac Gov. Jose Yap said during a Team Unity sortie that Aquino would not even win in their Tarlac home province.

“Aquino has no political bailiwick, no support base, no real political boost from sectors and no real political network,” Singson said.

“Aquino, if I were him, should work hard and campaign hard instead of griping and whining,” Singson said.

xxx

TEAM UNITY: LEFT-RIGHT PACT ON ‘VOTE-PROTECTION’ SUGGESTS GO’s POSSIBLE LINK TO EXTREMIST GROUPS DESTABILIZING GOV’T
April 28, 2007

A Genuine Opposition plan to forge a pact with communist-leaning partylist groups on the supposed protection of GO votes in the May 14 balloting has seemingly lent credence to earlier military intelligence reports on an “unholy alliance” among the mainstream opposition the Left and right-wing forces to topple the Arroyo government, Team Unity said over the weekend.

Team Unity senatorial candidate Luis “Chavit” Singson recalled that in February last year, the President was forced to declare a state of national emergency owing to the military’s timely discovery of the mainstream opposition’s alleged involvement in a Left-Right conspiracy to overthrow President at the height of festivities marking the anniversary of the 1986 Edsa Revolt.

“Last year’s intelligence reports on a leftist-rightist conspiracy have only been reinforced by the proposal of GO candidate Panfilo Lacson for the opposition to enter into a shadowy alliance with the Left supposedly to protect their votes in next month’s elections,” Singson said.

“Such a working arrangement, as revealed by Lacson, suggests that an unholy alliance has long been forged by the mainstream opposition, then known as the United Opposition (UNO), with ultra-rightist and left-wing groups,” Singson said.

“Even GO’s campaign mnemonic, which is PLAN CO REVOLT, sends a not-too-subliminal message to the public of the real agenda of the opposition,” Singson said.

One of the 11 candidates of GO is ex-Navy Lt./SG Antonio Trillanes, who had figured in the failed Oakwood Mutiny in 2003.
Moreover, Lacson has endorsed the candidacy of independent senatorial bet Gregorio Honasan, his Philippine Military Academy classmate or ‘mistah” who was also implicated in the Oakwood mutiny as well as in the February 2006 coup attempt and other cases of military adventurism, especially during the Aquino presidency.

Singson was reacting to reports that Lacson had proposed this Left-Right alliance to ex-President Estrada to help safeguard the votes of the opposition in the May 14 polls. Bayan Muna representative Teodoro Casino has reportedly confirmed the “vote-protection project, saying that it was one of the “common undertakings” that his group and its allies have established with GO.

This alliance being formed by GO with left- and right-wing forces in the guise of coming up with a “vote-protection” project should not be taken lightly by law-abiding and peace-loving Filipinos considering the events that unfolded in February 2006, Singson said.

Singson warned voters that a repeat of the February 2006 coup attempt could wipe out the economic gains that we have achieved so far and totally derail the “social payback” agenda of the President to deliver to the masa the tangible dividends of growth directly to the people in the form of more jobs and the better delivery of social services such as basic education, primary health care and low-cost housing.

“The Filipino masa will end up the ultimate losers if another coup attempt takes place at a time when the economy is already in full swing,” Singson said. “Ongoing government initiatives to translate the gains of economic growth into social benefits for the people would all go to waste should freedom-loving Filipinos allow this unholy alliance to prosper and succeed in carrying out its destabilization agenda.”

The landslide victory of Team Unity on May 14 would not only assure Filipinos of economic stability in the years to come, but would likewise safeguard the nation from being victims of an emerging Left-Right conspiracy to grab political power, Singson said.

xxx

party talks, part two

A resounding affirmation is given to Olivares-Cunanan’s opinion column in PDI (dated April 28, 2007) on the call to review the party list system here in our country. There are far, far too many irrelevant partylists sprouting about, with more surfacing on each election (and mid-term election), clamoring to justify its existence – to supposedly give the much needed voice for their proportional represented constituents.

I was commuting home from work one sunny Thursday afternoon when I literally saw a carpet of promotional flyers laying about along Aurora Cubao. I wanted to reach down and grab a piece but thought twice since I was sitting on the front passenger of the jeepney, and one swoop from a neighboring vehicle could effectively decapitate me. I also thought of disembarking to pick up a piece but I feared the thought of the driver screwing me and saying that I should pay again.

Anywho, I’ve been noticing that more and more partlist organizations are having useless / irrelevant / redundant advocacies, and some are so generic, that they don’t really constitute as proportional representation of the marginalized and unrepresented.

Case in point for CIBAC (Citizen’s Battle Against Corruption), SANLAKAS, BAYAN MUNA, BANAT (Barangay Association for National Advancement and Transparency), GABRIELA, Abanse Pinay!, ANWARAY, ANAK Mindanao, and a boatload of others (most others are so obscure that you’d think they randomly choose words just to make up a mnemonic).

Party lists concerning anti political dynasties, generic partylists about nationalism, and partylists with the same advocacies, are simply, stupid. As for partylists concerning regional representation, think about it. Why else would you vote for your congressman? It’s simply redundant. Come May 14th, my vote goes to the truly marginalized and unrepresented – ANAKPAWIS, among others. (by the way, if ever you’re affiliated to one of these, or know people who do, please do not hunt me down, heheh)

There should be a party list for janitors, garbage men, and metro aides, collectively, for sanitation engineers, because they’ll need all the help after the elections, removing the countless posters and sweeping the equally countless flyers. Heheh.

Beloved Jubilee - 300th post

I need you to trust me that I didn't do this. Check the introductory paragraph.

Motherfucking dumbass

I'm so pissed off at this chem teacher right now. She's one of only a handful of people in the country to know how to properly operate a Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Spectrophotometer (which is an instrument that aids you in elucidating the structure of a chemical). I have been wary of her presence every time because she's one of those bitchasses who thinks they're so great and so good because they have an advanced degree (M.S.).

Anyway, I asked her properly that if I gave her my sample today when can she give me the result and she told me May 11. So I gave her the sample and asked her again and she told me that only on May 11 can I give her the sample. I was confused then, because of her contradicting statements. So I told her that she told me that she can give it to me by May 11 (and I'm sure I asked her that one) and then she raised her voice and told me that "You're not asking the right questions!"

What the fuck is the matter with her? I've always seen her as one big weirdass but today's incident confirmed to me that she's also one big dumbass with a master's degree. I pity all the students she has taught before. Her former students have been telling me that she's queer as hell in class and laughs suddenly all by herself for no apprent reason at all. I've also seen her suck ass big time to senior faculty members. It is because of people like her that makes me think of wanting to enter the academe one of these days. Dammit I'm gonna continue my application to Jubilee.

I'll update you guys on my Jubilee application.

Mark your calendars

Good evening my dirty little city, it’s been a while.

Tonight, my whim for Statistics, Embryology, and Psychology will lead us to talk about hormones, particularly on Progesterone. Now, listen up closely boys, this one’s important.

Background

PMS or pre-menstrual syndrome is a major problem for the modern women and one with which their ancestors never had to deal. Until recently, women tended to be pregnant most of the time, which meant that the average Filipino woman only ever had to deal with menstrual related problems 10 – 20 times in a lifetime, versus 13 times a year (we’ll get to these computations in a little while) for the modern Filipino woman.

Hmm, problem, or not? It’s not a problem per se if you know how to understand and to interpret the facts. I’m telling this now, for both ways, for both men and women to understand (and to appease the prissy women and the feminists out there).

But of course, you and I both know why I’m writing this, heh.

Statistics

The mean lifespan for Filipino women nowadays is 70 Gregorian calendar years (with men living shorter at 68 years). Divide 70 by four, you get 17.5. Then you get the sum of 17.5 x 366 (taking into account leap years), and 52.5 x 365 (3/4 of the average lifespan, by normal years), and you get ∑ = 25567.5 days.

70 / 4 = 17.5
70 = 17.5 + 52.5

(17.5 x 366) + (52.5 x 365) = 25567.5 days
(6405) x (19162.5) = 25567.5 days
∑ = 25,567.5 days

De la Cruz, et al’s research on stress and menarche of women (2005), found out that the mean age for menarche onset in Filipino women is about 13 Gregorian calendar years. Divide 13 by 4 and you get 3.25. Getting the sum of 3.25 x 366 (for leap years) and 9.75 x 365 (3/4 of 13 years), and you get ∑’ = 4748.25 days.

13 / 4 = 3.25
13 = 3.25 + 9.75

(3.25 x 366) + (9.75 x 365) = 4748.25 days
1189.5 + 3558.75 = 4748.25 days
∑’ =4,748.25 days

Finally, the mean menopause age for women is 51 years. Divide 51 by 4 and you get 12.75. Getting the sum of 12.75 x 366 (for leap years) and 38.25 x 365 (3/4 of 51 years), and you get ∑’’ = 18627.75 days.

51 / 4 = 12.75
51 = 12.75 + 38.25

(12.75 x 366) + (38.25 x 365) = 18627.75 days
4666.5 + 13961.25 = 18627.75 days
∑’’ = 18,627.75 days

If the average Filipino woman bears the mean (how the hell can one bear a child that’s not an integer value?!) number of 2.1 children in her lifetime (see ADB 2010 data projection), this adds up to about 495.70 times a modern woman can suffer PMS symptoms, in her child bearing years between 13 – 51, and close to 550 times for a woman without children.

∑’’– ∑’ = x
18,627.75 – 4,748.25 = 13,879.5 days
13,879.5 / 28 = 495.70 times

Of course, we have to take into consideration the legal age for Filipino women to marry (otherwise, it’ll constitute as statutory), so we take into consideration 18 Gregorian calendar years.

18 / 4 = 4.5
18 = 4.5 + 13.5
(4.5 x 366) + (13.5 x 365) = 6574.5 days
1647 + 4927.5 = 6574.5 days
18 = 6,574.5 days

18,627.75 – 6,574.5 = 12053.25 days
12,053.25 / 28 = 430.47 times

Embryology

Menstrual cycles are counted from the first day of menstrual bleeding, because the onset of menstruation corresponds closely with the hormonal cycle. The menstrual cycle is generally divided into 5 phases, namely the menstrual phase, follicular phase, the ovulation period, luteal phase, and the ischemic phase.

Menstrual phase Days 1 – 4
Follicular phase Days 5 – 13
Ovulation period Day 14
Luteal Phase Days 15 – 26
Ischemic Phase Days 27 – 28

For the first 21 days of menstruation, progesterone hormones create a feeling of well-being and give generally happy feelings and a positive attitude to most pre-menopausal women. Sex drive gradually increases so that she is most capable of conceiving at a specific point, about midway through the cycle.

Psychology

Scottish scientists once studied the reactions and preferences of 104 women to digitally altered photos of men (Pease, A., & Pease, B., 2001). They found that during three weeks of the month, women preferred the smoother, more feminized, sensitive looking types, who would likely to be around over the long haul when the women were ovulating. However, they favored the manly looking men – big jaws, prominent eyebrow, and larger bodies, the stuff that screams virility. They also observed that many ovulating men wore shorter skirts in public (2001).

The scientists concluded that when it comes to settling down, women want a male who is the best parental investment (gender, brain dominance, and its effects on a separate blog entry). But when biological bells are ringing, the want Tarzan’s genes (2001).

Putting it all together

Alright, let’s put everything that we’ve learned together.

For the 25,567.5 days that an average Filipino woman will be living, where the onset of her menstruation will be at the 4,748.25th day, up to the 18,627.75th day of her life, that of menopause, there will a period of 13,879.5 days where you can compute when her progesterone levels will be at its peak and at its lowest. You can estimate when she will be at her randiest, or at her bitchiest.

Of course, an important factor must be taken into consideration. One must subtract 51 to 18, the legal age for women to marry, heh. The average Filipino woman will ovulate 495.70 times in her lifetime, and 430.47 times when she reaches 18 Gregorian calendar years old.

Progesterone levels will be at the lowest (ergo, testosterone levels at the highest) at the 1-5th day of a woman’s menstruation (midway from her ovulation, meaning her egg wasn’t fertilized). From this day to the thirteenth day, this is when she will need loving, caring, and understanding from you (most especially on days 1-4). On the fourteenth day, this is when she ovulates, and this is when her progesterone levels will grow to its peak (in the middle of her luteal phase). You know what this means.

Do the math. =)

Bitchiness and Dignity

Just early this evening I was travelling home through the LRT-2 line when I found out that the stupid management (I swear, there are a lot of dumbasses in the LRT-2 management) decided to relocate the exit area for passengers coming from Katipunan to Cubao. However, the greater injustice occured near the exit area where a line as long as the great wall of China was formed for the entrance to the LRT-2 on the side of the ladies while there was virtually no male entering the station (the imbalance is strikingly odd but rest assured that it really happened). One of those bitches insisted that she should be allowed to enter the LRT station on the side of the males due to her reason that "Do you see that line? Its so fucking long and unfair for me!"

Unfair? Did she dare say that word? What's more unfair was that there were probably a hundred other women willing to fall in line so that their bags and bodies can be properly checked for possible terrorist devices or contraband. Unfair? Whats more unfair is that she insists to go to enter through the men's side unchecked. Unfair? How fair is that to my safety and the general public?

Damn you bitches! What gave you the right to inherently overthrow the system? Your bitchfest? You think getting angry gives you the right to step over other people's rights just because you had one lousy menstrual period? Go to fucking hell.

Just So Beautiful

Lately, Jimson has been posting youtube clips of famous broadway acts on his multiply account. So one time I decided to watch more of these clips on youtube. I chanced upon the Lion King part on the Tony Awards.

Just one word to describe it : Beautiful.

It reduced me to tears. I wish I was there to witness it live. Certainly helped me keep in touch with my feminine side.

Here is the link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKAHx2v1ANE

Btw, it just so happens that the Japanese representative to the 18 Jean Valjeans clip (you remember that guys?) is also the host of Iron Chef Japan (Chairman Kaga).

pinoypoly

Here’s something new that the family would definitely love. A Pinoy version of the classic real estate trading game, Monopoly.

Now, we could finally pretend to be like our idols Lucio Tan, Henry Sy, Jaime Zobel de Ayala, John Gokongwei, and all the other Filipino moguls as we play on the new Pinoypoly!

These are but some of the properties included in the game:

Districts like Tondo and Binondo, shopping centers like SM Mall of Asia, Greenhills Shopping Centre, and Ayala Center; institutions like the University of the Philippines (the Philippine government now allows you to buy its properties!), Ateneo de Manila, and De La Salle University; public transports like the LRT lines 1 and 2, the Metrorail, and the PNR; Utilities like Meralco and Maynilad; five star hotels like the Manila Hotel, Peninsula Manila, and Makati Shangri-La; National structures like Rizal Park, Intramuros, and Malacaňan Palace; recreation locations like Enchanted Kingdom, the Airport Casino, and Tagaytay Highlands; High-end villages like Wack-wack, Forbes, and Dasma; and of course, prime lots like the EDSA Shrine and Ayala Avenue.

Don’t forget to collect your Php 200M as you pass go!

(I’m hoping that we could print this up and play it, as I deliberately designed it to be playable. $1 = Php 1M)

High resolution version of the board for printing here.

High resolution version of the Title Deed cards here.

Lastly, High resolution version of the Chance and Community Chest cards here.

pulling a rabbit

Just a short post. I’m following the south Cotabato congressional seat battle between Emmanuel “Manny” Pacquiao and the incumbent Darlene Antonino-Custodio (Why? It’s because she’s a fellow Lasallian, that she’s also a kababayan of mine, and most importantly, that I have a silly crush on her). With little over a month, my bet is that Manny’s corner will be drawing an unexpected uppercut that’ll jar the lovely congresswoman by her jaw – a blitz guerilla campaign after his bout with Solis in mid-April.

Manny’s puppeteers will be using this bout as propaganda tool:
1. This bout will smack hit his target market of voters.
2. Antonino-Custodio’s camp cannot criticize on this fight (and on Manny’s character) because this’ll hurt her campaign since everybody will tune in to this bout whether they’re for his public office bid or not (this one’s very important).
3. With the bout happening this April, this is practically free publicity as people will still remember him come May. Them sneaky bastards.

This goes to show that the delineation between Pacquiao as a politician and as a sports icon is not firmly drawn (not only to himself, but to the voters as well). He himself admitted this by saying that he will still continue his boxing career even if he wins the seat. Think of the repercussions.

Making sense of these predictions, if indeed he wins, do remember that our tax money will be used to pay for his duties as a congressman. His attendance, or non-attendance (whether for personal reasons, or for professional boxing training reasons) have their own impacts. His absence from sessions will mean that one, we will be wasting our taxes for his non-appearance, and secondly, his non-appearance means that his output on representative legislature (whether for decision making, or law proposals, or whatnot) are non-existent.

Thus, this upcoming bout will be a huge boost to his status (and even more so if he wins, and he will win).

Freddie Roach is wise not to comment on this entire hullabaloo, since one, he’s too smart not to dabble into this, and two, it’s obvious that Manny’s political lawyers, not to mention, his backers have had a talk with him.

But of course, the bottom line is this: do you really really believe that Manny possess the intellectual brilliance and rhetoric aptitude to serve as a legislator?

The Departure

I'm off to another trip to Auckland. This time, though, the story started way before the departure.

So here's the deal. Billy's family is coming over to New Zealand to watch Billy's brother graduate in Christchurch. Before they go over there though, they're staying the weekend in Wellington in our place. In our two bedroom flat. And it's Billy's parents, sisters, grandparents and aunt. In our two bedroom flat. And they're not going to go out while they're here. At all.

Naturally, I'm headed to Auckland. It's not that Billy's parents aren't nice, because they really are, especially his mom who is a very nice person, but I cannot be here when Billy's whole clan is shacked up for an entire weekend. It's like being stuck in Cheaper By The Dozen and not be a member of the family.

They were supposed to arrive here at Thursday night so basically, I was trying to find a way to get out of town by Thursday afternoon. The problem was, through another convoluted situation, I couldn't get my money till Friday morning. I spent all week trying to borrow money from everyone I know just so I can travel to Auckland to no avail. I was resigned to spending a night with the whole Yueng Clan. Out of nowhere, Billy sent me a message saying that their flight was delayed and they got stuck in Auckland for the night, which meant I wasn't going to be crammed into a house with them. I couldn't believe it. It felt like someone was looking out for me. It would turn out that that notion was pre-conceived at best.

So last night, I can barely sleep thinking about what I'm going to do today. Visions of 300 on Imax and opening bottles of Pinot Noir kept me awake till 430am. So naturally, when I wake up, I find out my ATM card expired. It meant I don't have any money. At all. When Billy and I went to the ATM to try out my current card, the machine ate it. We couldn't go to the bank because it's a holiday. So I was stuck for minutes thinking about ways to avoid this weekend at all costs.

See the second half of this story was that the bank sent me a new card over the mail about three months ago. I just never took it off the envelope. So before Billy and I went to the ATM, I was frantically looking for it, but couldn't find it. When we came home from the ATM, I was half-defeated, frantic about finding a way to get money to travel. When I sat by the computer, I checked underneath the table and the first thing I find is the new issued ATM card. Literally seconds after going home after the old card was eaten by the machine. We came back to the ATM and finally, money received!

After typing this, it doesn't really sound that harrowing, but believe me, it really was. Especially cause it's even noon yet and I've been running all over town. Anyway, I'm off in about three hours to go to the airport to take the 4pm flight, while Billy's family, ironically, is also taking the 4pm flight to get here. Again, it's not that I have anything against them, I would enjoy going to dinner with them or something to that sort, but definitely not spending a whole weekend crammed in a small house with them.

So this weekend, it's movies, wine and poker. Wish me luck.

April’s fool

In the spirit of silliness, I passed around this message to selected friends and acquaintances:

“Please pray for the well-being of my son, Michael Glenn. He is currently in
critical condition for intracranial hemorrhage, traced to a ruptured cerebral
blood vessel, from his chronic migraine.”

And of course, put this at the end of the message:

“Psyched! April fools!”

I started a joke, which started the whole world crying,

But I didn’t see that the joke was on me, oh no.

I don’t want a similar untoward incident to happen again, where news broke out that I met my Creator from Cerebral Edema. Jeco even called up the funeral homes just to check of there was really a stiff dead guy lingering there by the name of Glenn. And that year, news also got to Thailand, where some of my Atenean Psychology acquaintances shared the “bad” news with each other.

I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing,

Oh, if Id only seen that the joke was on me.

Oh yeah, some even called me up and was sobbing, even after I told them it was a prank. Well thankfully, there’s none of that this year.

I looked at the skies, running my hands over my eyes,

And I fell out of bed, hurting my head from things that Id said.

I then received this message before the day ended from an undisclosed friend (she asked me that she does not wish to be identified and that it will be a secret between the two of us, lol):

“I’m really sorry to hear that. I will be asking [the] others to pray for him as well. Can we visit him? We are his classmates in graduate studies, and he was such a good friend to us.”

Till I finally died, which started the whole world living,

Oh, if Id only seen that the joke was on me.

Apparently, some recipients got truncated messages, where I told them in the end that what happened to me isn’t true, and that I’m alive and well, lol.

Hmm. A song ironically comes into mind, one from the Bee Gee’s.

Quickie

So yeah, North Carolina lost to Georgetown. And they had it. Sigh, they so had it. My bracket is blown to bits because I had North Carolina going all the way. Sigh, they so had it.

Also, I'm reading civil war with all the tie-ins now based on Marvel's reading list. It's about 101 issues so it's a little bit of reading. I also read Back in Black part 1 which shows a darker Spider-man going back to the black costume to either show his darker side or promote the new movie, whichever works for you.

I also found out that Tahnee is now a Lakers fan. I don't know which I find more sublime, that her boy got her interested in the NBA or that I used to go out with someone who likes Kobe now. Hmmm. At least it leads to interesting conversations, I guess.

Oh and if you haven't checked my videos in my multiply site, you really should. Kristin Chenoweth is freakin amazing.

Finally, in other news, Shannon Elizabeth is going to be in a poker tourney I'm playing at in two weeks. How will my proposal of marriage to her be met? We'll find out soon. Stay tuned.

Children's Names

Ever since my last college exam ended last Friday, I've been doing nothing except to sleep, eat, read and catch-up on movies that I haven't able to watch this year. So yeah, I pretty have too much idle time with me right now. Now all that's in the way of my glorious graduation from Ateneo is my chemistry thesis which I plan to finish this month.

Anywhoo, since I had too much time really, the thought came to mind of what I could name my children in the event that the Oracle of Cubao that I once consulted turned out to be wrong. You see, I had the unfortunate experience of being foretold that I would be...barren. Of course, I still had to pay that motherfucker her dues after one grand insult. So much for good fortunes.

One name that came to mind was Yolanda if its a girl. Yolanda's not too common yet it has that certain exquisiteness attached to it. I have set my boy's name to be Seth, but remembered that Jimson might ask long-forgotten Sevilla to hunt me down and kill me if I did just that. So, my backup name for my boy will be Gordon. Again, not too common, but has that authority-sounding thought attached to it.

Of course, all of these are subject to my future wife's approval. Btw, you guys are free to name your children "Wilson". I'd be flattered and honored by that gesture. Just make sure he grows up to be straight or we'll have to pray the gay away.

xxx

Speaking of Cubao, I saw some of Jubilee's finest kindergarten teachers in Cubao lining up at the MRT. It was obvious from their facial expression that they don't know me, except for one Ms. Aggabao. You guys remember Aggabao? The teacher who always wore Christian-themed earrings? She was with some others who I am sure were once our teachers.

XXX

party talks

The abolishment of the bi-partisan political party system in the Philippines as a cause for national corruption

One of the whiplash that’s beginning to rub its sore red mark on our backs coming from the oust of the Marcos regime is the abolishment of the bi-partisan political party system here in the Philippines. It was revised in the 1987 constitution during the Aquino administration into a multi-partisan one.

This, at least from this writer’s perspective, was an unforeseen err then that is being taken advantage upon by today’s politicians. And with about two or three “generations” of administrations, political opportunism has indeed seeded and is now bearing its rotten fruit.

Ladies and gentlemen, need you be reminded that we are now perceived in the international community as the most corrupt country in Asia? This wouldn’t have exploded, or actually, initially imploded, as you will see later why, into such if not for a stricter hold for the reins of political party systems here in our country.

Were the lawmakers then too afraid to have another Presidential Decree for militarization of the country that they made this change (and other subsequent changes like limiting presidential veto powers, which are irrelevant to the topic at hand)? I would like to think so.

Yet, people then and now are still grounded on the belief that the reason why power was, is, and will be abused is because there is no proper check and balance being implemented as far as political party influence is concerned. It is true, to an extent.

It is unnecessary to bar the principal ideology of having two opposing parties, where the possibility of one party completely dominating over the other, and thus, tyranny, because the problem doesn’t lie with the party, but really with its constituents.

The strongest suit of having a two party system is with its check and balance, and benchmarking. The minority party (here defined as the party who has gained minority influence in an administration) will always give a keen eye to the dominant party’s every actions.

This permeates not only to strength of political ideology, but also to the quality of candidates.

These two, conversely, are the weakest attributes of having a multi-party system. Like milking a herd of thin cows, resources are distributed too thinly to the parties. Political ideologies of the parties differ too much that they really don’t pose a significant challenge to forward the nation, and weak (more so, ill qualified) candidates who are party driven and not platform driven.

Having numerous split party systems is also akin metaphorically to the old pre-colonial tribal balanggays. These little communities fail to realize that progress is ultimately greater when they unify and form one large community-city. And for that similar reason, it is better to take care of only a number of fat, healthy cows, as their milk will be more nutritious and more valuable.

Ask yourself these questions the next time you think about your slate of senatoriables:

-From what party/coalition is this candidate from?
-What are the platforms of this candidate?
-What are the ideology/ies of his/her party/coalition?
-How aligned are they?
-How are the ideology/ies of this particular party/coalition different from other parties/coalitions?

The quality of a candidate is generally dependent on the strength of his party (this goes under the assumption that a candidate aligns himself with the party’s ideologies, and he does not join simply to gain block votes). With the emergence of pragmatic nonsense political parties, which serve no purpose but merely as a timely coalition to gain an identity, and more of, block votes, the integrity and values of the party, and worse, the candidates that they fare, are severely sacrificed.

This will never happen in a bi-partisan party system as one party could not and will not afford to loose a candidate to the other party’s.

It is saddening to realize that the Nacionalista Party and the Liberal Party are pathetic compared to the same Titan and Olympian of parties then. The thought of the Liberal Party fragmenting into two wings, where one wing coexists merrily with the Nacionalista Party, and both parties belonging into a bigger coalition group with no real political standpoint other than being the incumbent and the opposition, is really disheartening.

Summer Olympics

In lieu of the summer boredom, the boys here at the thirteen will be making our own mini-tournament of sorts, running from April to May. Matches against each other on various whatnots would be decided by races to thirteen, and these will often fall on weekly Frigays (or boys’ night outs, as opposed to Saturday with the girls). Weekly updates / standings will be updated accordingly. Other interested individuals who would like to make their own match-ups may opt to do so.

Eug vs. Dong, Toby’s shootout, best of 13 rounds.

Make way for the latest incarnation of Sega’s Bird vs. Jordan. Thirteen rounds of 30 second 3-point shootouts in Toby’s Glorietta will be held to definitively label who among the two can really play with their balls better.

Glen vs. P3, last pocket 8-ball, best of 13 racks.

Rods clash, balls smash, and the sweetest of strokes will be tested as carpeted holes await the pearl and the magician of the felt to show their stuffs. Sorry Pierre, since you’ll be the magician, I’ll have to knock your teeth off.

Leaked Office Memo from the Ateneo...

Office Memo – AY 2005-06

To: Fr. Daniel J. McNamara, SJ

Dr. James B. Simpas

Dr. Nofel D. Lagrosas

Dr. Benjamin O. Chan

Dr. Raphael A. Guerrero

Dr. Emmanuel G. Anglo

Mr. Ivan B. Culaba

Mr. Quirino M. Sugon

Mr. Joel T. Maquiling

Fr: Dr. Jerrold J. Garcia

Chairman, Department of Physics

Date: 29 June 2005

Apparently, the DOST has awakened again from its slumber, and now intends to inflict on us another of their innumerable surveys; this time it is a survey of the research projects we did from 1 January 2003 to 31 December 2003, whether funded by the DOST – which it should have if it knew what it's supposed to do – or not, which is the usual case.

According to their explanatory letter, the DOST us conducting this survey to, in their very own words: "help government set R&D directions and formulate better science and technology policies and programs". A similar miracle occurred once, when water was turned into wine in a wedding feast in Cana.

Nevertheless, I am forwarding to you certain sections of questionnaires. I know this will take precious time from your research work. But, inasmuch as we periodically beg – rather assidiously, I must say – for crumbs out of the billions of pesos of tax money that we, taxpayers, pay the government, which money subsequently dusappears into the pockets of politicians and bureaucrats with nary a trace, I am afraid we have to humor those who hold the purse strings and accomplish the survey forms.

Now, why 2003 of all years, I have absolutely no idea. It could be that some people in DOST is into numerology. Or it could also be that their resident feng shui expert has determined 2003 to be an especially auspicious year – who knows? If it is 2003 now, can 2004 be far behind? Probably not. And neither is 2002, 2001 and 2000… in fact, this can go back all the way to the inauguration of the Malolos Republis in 1899. so, for those of you who may have done some research at that time, I suggest you start digging up your records now. Of course, DOST could save us a whole lot of time and aggravation by asking – just once – for the complete records of ALL research projects we have done, starting from the time when two of every sort of animals boarded an ark. But, no, we have to get it in small doses.

Before you fill up the survey form, please that some time to admire and appreciate the jargon, euphemisms, circumlocutions and prolixity of the questionnaire. You have to admit that the DOST has it all down to an art form. If there is any question you don't understand, don't come to me for help; I don't understand it either. Wing it.

After you have been moved to answer the questionnaire, submit it to this office and I will compile all your answers into one grand panorama of awesome research prowess and frenzied scientific activities. This compilations will then go to the Dean's Office, which, in turn, will forward it to the DOST where, finally, it will sleep the sleep of the dead in some filing cabinet, never to see the light of day again until the 30 ^th century perhaps, when, upon discovery, it will stir up the same excitement among circles of archaeologists that the Dead Sea scrolls once did.

That unmistakable whiff, again.

Shit happens.

Here’s a second half complement to a previous entry written a couple of weeks ago relating to an assortment of excrementious irony (a word I invented, heh). Whereas the previous post pricked on an hodgepodge of national events, this time around, I’ll be talking about the small nuggets that poop (pop) out of my daily life.

Annals.

Talk about hitting the fan. This coming Monday, I’ll be seeing the X’s in highschool, the Y’s in college, and the Z’s (Hmm. I guess in college as well) all at the same time in one floor, for the rest of my stay. The challenge is how I’ll be able to put everything into equation as these variables are mutually exclusive to one another.

Oh, I think I’ll be putting my feet literally on a minefield here, heh.

xxx

Stool.

Don’t you get this constipated feeling of wanting to release all tensions (insert double entrede here) when you get the feeling that you’re getting pulled down by a needy, self-righteous, condescending Tae-nean? (I apologize for the term. I’ll be using that only once and only once in reference to that tool)

The minute you attend to its constant whining and whims, oh boy, you’re doomed. It’ll cling and linger on you like, well, poop and flies. Bad juju’s such as these need to be flushed.

xxx

Vowels.

Alas, we’ve talked too much about vowels.

“Dryly, gypsy slyly spryly tryst my YM.
Why? Shy spy by thy crypt, by my glyph.
My try pry thy sylph’s psych.
Tsk, tsk, wry.”

This is in response to a query about someone who sent me an angry private message a couple of weeks ago. The only way one could search on that particular entry is by 1.) Reading individual posts up to that entry date, or 2.)Googling your name. Oh vanity.

If you’re interested to know who that person is, here are clues: 1.) this second-part post goes with a larger central theme, that of excrement and irony 2.)By the wordplay of this heading and text, you’ll have a definite idea of who that person is by virtue of attribution, and 3.) It’s written in such a way so as that person can’t google his/her name in this blog again.

xxx

Of waiting, the Beijing games, lovemakings and condoms...

I'm waiting for somebody to finish her labwork (Which I should also be doing by the way...) just so that I can quickly shut down the computer and tell her "maybe we can go home together since I'm also leaving!"...call it forced serendipity if you will...Syempre sabihin ko iyon in Filipino...

But since it seems that it will take her a long time to finish (She's right in front of me now and I just borrowed somebody's laptop to pass the time) I thought of posting in this blog of a silly thing I did in the past year that I haven't told anyone yet...but none came to mind so maybe my post should veer into another direction. I thought that maybe we can all as a group go to the 2008 Beijing Games!

Maybe we can save a few bucks right now so that we can have enough money to pay for the Beijing airfare and hotel once we book next year? Hopefully I would have finished my schooling by that time hehehe, but my parents already promised me that I can go to the Beijing games. They're not interested in going there. In fact, for some weird reason, they prefer to watch it on live television.

On to another note, what's this I hear of some random person searching for her name on our blog? Complete story if you message me on ym.

By the way, yesterday I went to the cr and heard that the cubicle besides me is producing some weird sound (think of the sound when you give your icecream a big slurp). Could it be...? I looked down and saw two pairs of feet...the other's a girl's!!! How I wish I have a camera at that time and secretly video their lovemaking.

Speaking of lovemaking, we're currently synthesizing a condom in our lab for a chem class. Our teacher told us to make something that we can sell hehehehehehehehe. Somehow the condom we produced is loose enough for two african-american sized wieners. How I wish I could throw our synthesized condom to the couple doing it in the men's lavatory...

What else what else what else...

Texas was downed!!!

There goes my dreams of a UNC-Texas matchup.

That's it. I'll continue to play yahoo games now.

Sweet.

My aunt Carolyn (and Jim’s dentist) got married just this Sunday at Sanctuario de San Jose in Greenhills. It was a surprisingly fine event to be cherished since it was a union and re-union of sorts as well.

I was reluctant to attend at first after realizing when I woke up that I literally didn’t had time to sleep / rest until Tuesday afternoon (so much things to do), and that preconceived expectations (and embarrassingly, wishful thinkings) about weddings and receptions are much better left of when I get older, say about 28, because there are things in life that are more apt to be planned and articulated by your life partner (hence the embarrassment in admitting), but heck, I wouldn’t miss this for the world. It’s one of my favorite aunt’s day. Besides, the whole clan (apart from my family) would never forgive me for the non-appearance.

I’m particularly elated as I’m typing this after seeing the intricate wood carvings that bordered the huge central cross of the church. And together with the stained glass and the whole clan of both the bride and the groom eagerly waiting for the presiding priest to utter the most cliché of lines, such expression of man of his love for life, for his Creator, and on an even more abstract level of meaning, for love itself, are never more exemplified in poignancy than that.

Sweet.

It is also interesting to mention that the opening invocation during the reception in EDSA Shangri-La was delivered by no one other else than Reverend Pastor Vicente Sia! Yes, it's our own highschool head chaplain, Mrs. Sia’s horny husband, and our Math teacher Mrs. Yao’s older brother. Our Boksu.

At that very moment, I was filled with nostalgic pride as I wanted to boast to everyone that that person over there shares his roots with mine, that we came from same institution (well, I studied there and attended weekly chapel hours and masses, while he literally lives there). Of how he is connected to the groom, I can only guess.

Another event that caught me vulnerably smiling was how lighthearted my aunt was, during the wedding reception. She feigned drunkenness and fainting after she and her husband drunk their ceremonial champagne together. It’s such a cute sight to witness that one can still maintain her jesting even when everyone’s eyes are gaily fixated at the couple’s every move. The same could however, not be said for the terrible emcee.

Such a lovely, witty, and free-spirited personality. The thought alone of spending the rest of your life with that kind of bliss makes one want to live the next day, and the day after that, until the faithful day arrives where he finally meets her.

Sweet.

That night, I realized that one’s life ultimately comes into full circle, and it’s the meaning that you make out of each step, each single passing moment is what really counts. They, who have been children before, who have been in my age and position, who have experienced frustrations on where their careers would lead them, who have restless thoughts at the back of their heads on how their future significant others would be like, are now transitioning into position of care-giving. Aging matriarchs now take the position of then held by the patriarchs of the clan. Contemplative thoughts about how they have lived their lives must come across as they sit and watch their children becoming parents, their kin becoming brides, and their grandchildren becoming ladies.

And returning to where it started, as an allusion of how everything comes into full circle, and of how the simplest, tiniest of things could ever mean so much. My aunt, now Carolyn Geronimo Torres-Basa, the dentist, is really nicknamed “Sweet”.

My young naiveté cousin Jennifer would laugh at the irony of it; I would smile as it alludes her love for her husband; my auntie-lola would nod to the thought that that word meant life.

Sweet.

The E value

A previous entry entitled “The perfect face” written about a year ago was able to qualify one’s aesthetic value using the Fibonacci sequence (that of 1.618), then made into a facial template of pentagonal increments. Painstaking comparisons have established that the perfect face, one whose face matched the template with immaculate similarity belonged to 1.) Tom Cruise, and not surprisingly, (but more importantly) 2.) Mark Eugene Ong.

Convincing as it is, this aesthetic value is but an incomplete portrait of benchmarking the one whom the Lord bequeathed to all of us - for all women to worship, and for all men to envy. Cultural limits meant that Mark Eugene Ong has to be used as our model to derive at our formulaic derivation for one’s value (for societal standing), dubbed the E value * – the Eros value. This then, is an apt complement the subjective visual perception congruence of one’s aesthetic value.

Thus, the aim of this entry, is to be able to quantify how one could be like Mark Eugene Ong (by the way, our group blog is two years old. Yay! Take this as a commemoration).

Consider the following:

Value = Status
Status = Skills + Relationship + Power
Value = Skills + Relationship + Power

The simplest representation of the E Value is Skills + Relationship + Power. The greater these three factors, the greater one’s E value is, and conversely, the smaller it is, or one is found to be lacking, one’s E value is drastically lesser. Therefore, it is imperative that one should develop a holistic growth of these three factors. Kudos, Eug.

Skills = [s]
[s] = basketball [b] + DoTA [d] + Weights [w]
[s] = b + d + w

To be able to successfully compute one third of the E value, one must take into consideration the factors that make up Eugene’s skills (at least to common intuition / perceptive congruence by men, women, and gays alike), and these were identified as skills in basketball, skills in DoTA, and lifting weights.

Skills

We derive at computing each of the skill subfactors:

[b] = [points + rebounds + assists – fouls + # Nike ballers worn + (female fans x 2) – Male fans – (gay fans x 2)] / 8
[d] = [(kills / min) / (clicks / min) / time spent gaming]
[w] = [benchppress weight x Actual weight / (# female oglers - # spotter - # gay oglers)2]

[s] = {[b] + [d] + [w] x 100%} / 3

Basketball can only be described as the real man’s sport. What kind of sport would not be a more definitive representation of manhood by having a clash of sweaty, testosterone-laden men drive a single ball into a basket?

Weights in its strictest sense, and that of a heterosexual meaning is that it is the absolute necessity for homophobic men to repress their thoughts of themselves on the possibility of being homosexual by needlessly and repetitively lifting heavy slabs of metal for hours on end, in the hopes that male hormones would cloud their impure thoughts. A trip to the shower and seeing other nude men however, would be an attempt in vain since this will trigger the thought of their spotters' crotches.

Finally DoTA. Well, not much can be said about it, since the fear of being assaulted by desperately loveless geeks out there using their keyboards and mouse (as a bludgeoning and as a flail instrument) from bashing the sport, nay, art, would arise. Monster kill.

Relationship

Formula for computing the relationship factor:

[r] = [(# women x # women in public knowledge / 2) - # commitment] / 3

# Women = [l]
# Women in public knowledge [k]
# Commitment = [c]

[r] = {[w] + [l] / 2} – c / 3

It is common knowledge that Eugene has four women, namely ____, _____, _____, and _____ (individual names are hidden for security purposes. Other women who will know their real names will grow envious, and this will ultimately lead to unnecessary violence). And all of these are known to the public, but Eugene has not committed to any of these four dyesebels for the sole reason that if he commits to any one of them, his bachelor’s value will significantly decrease to nil. This is basic relationship economics.

So, this God-given Ozymandias is both a blessing and a curse. He is the dream of all women and envy of all men, yet he cannot commit. He can love, but cannot fall in love. Such selflessness, such dedication to his divine purpose.

Power

The formula for the power factor follows:

[p] = (∑ p / 3) / 3

Summation of scores of power subfactors. In Eugene’s case, these were identified to be 1.) Working in a Multinational Fast Moving Consumer Group company (Proctor and Gamble), 2.) Owning a blue Toyota Vios, and 3.) Owning a decrepit 3G Phone.

A tabular matrix list was initially made to rate status symbols, and the three mentioned were the top three possessions to be considered. Not surprisingly, these three each scored a 100.

Behold. The formula for perfection:



*Reliability and validity of neither the formulaic derivation nor the units were considered. These are mere faux derivations, since to attempt to quantify the true E value, that of Eugene Ong’s, is really infinite.